Far Eastern Promise – any tips?

A bustling shopping area in Hong Kong

I have made a huge miscalculation – and I really should have known better.

On Wednesday I embark on a 17-night excursion to the Far East.

I am a frequent traveller, but can’t recall ever having to pack for more than seven nights.

In fact, I can’t remember the last time I went on a holiday lasting more than a week (maybe Canada in 2000?).

Anyway, it turns out I only posses one small and one medium sized suit case in which to fit enough apparel and provisions to last the duration of the trip.

This close to pay day, I can’t really afford to splash out on a king-size Samsonite.

So I’m working on the assumption I can wear each pair of socks twice, wash my briefs in the sink at night and manage without my entire collection (five) of short sleaved shirts.

Once again Primark has proven to be a valuable pre-vacation resource.

There are obvious dangers associated with entering its Oxford St branch – cholera, dysentery and sporadic violence – but if you’re lucky enough to exit with your limbs and senses in tact, it can save you a fortune.

But what about all those unfortunte souls working long hours until their fingers bleed in third world sweat shops just so I can buy two t-shirts, two shirts, two pairs of shorts and a five-pack of white ankle socks all for £27.40 I hear you ask.

True. It’s outrageous. But you can bet your bottom dollar that stores such as Gap (across the road on Oxford St) are involved with the same disgusting practises.

The difference is that Gap clothes don’t fit wee chunky guys like me. And it’s extortionate. So Primark is the lesser of two evils.

On top of that, I don’t feel uncomfortable stuffing my new Primark clothes into my miniscule suitcases. They’re far cheaper to replace.

So I’m appreciate any travel tips, if anyone can be bothered leaving me a comment below.

Last time in HKG: drunk Scottish guy in Chinese dress barges onto stage in hotel bar and insists on singing

It all starts with three nights at the Cosmoplitan Hotel in Hong Kong.

What else is there to do apart from eating at the floating Jumbo restaurant, watching the lights display from the harbour at night and shopping at the Ladies’ market (this is neither a red light district – see Sex, Drugs and Cycle Paths blog - nor a trading area for girls’ wares – it’s just its name!) and paying the equivalent of £2.50 for a massage (extras not included)?

Does anyone have any other recommendations?

After HKG it’s on to the Malaysian paradise island of Langkawi – the five-star Meritus Pelangi Beach resort, to be precise. What else is there to do on the island apart from lying on the beach sipping a cocktail and reading?

The trip conculdes with two nights in Kuala Lumpur – at the Shangri La Traders hotel. Again, any hints or tips?

What ever happens, it promises to be a good time and a welcome break from the daily doom and gloom in the UK.

Now, back to the suit cases. Why didn’t they teach boys how to fold clothes at school? It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t do it as well as my mum or any woman I’ve ever known.